Secret/ hidden love confessions

Some of the readers of BitterSweet with Tochi were brave enough to share their hidden / secret love stories. 

This is a compilation of the stories. 

We have been friends with benefits for some months now. We agreed on no attachments because he has to travel back to the states to be with his girlfriend. But recently I have developed some strong feelings for him. I knew I always liked him but it’s more than that now. I think about him all the time, I want to be with him and talk with him more often. I want to really get to know him, to make him happy. I don’t think I’m getting attached, I know that I have fallen in love with this man and I want more. I have never felt this way for anyone. 

I do not lack the courage to tell him about how I feel, what I fear is how he would react to it, so I lie to him and my friends. I miss him and I love him but I can’t show it. I act like I don’t care. I don’t want to lose him. I know that he would never be with me the way that I want him to but I’ll rather be with him this way than not at all. What can I do when he’s not even mine. 

• Ada

Someone please tell me how to escape this tragic love that I am in. I asked my boyfriend where our relationship was going and he told me that I’m the side chick. I have shed buckets of tears, my heart has been torn into several pieces but I keep on loving him despite everything. I keep on praying for a miracle. It’s my fault, I love someone who can never love me the way I wanted to be loved. I may be crying day and night now Andrew, but someday I know I will get over you. 

• Phoenix 

He lives down my estate and he is my best friend.  Even though I have seen him a hundred times, I still get butterflies each time that I see him. We see and talk everyday. Everyday I pretend I didn’t care because I hate to admit how much I love him. It tears me apart that I can’t tell him how much I love him. It was exciting at first but my love for him grew very strong and now it’s killing me. Sometimes I break down and cry.

When you love someone secretly, the challenge is when you have to be careful with every word you speak and action you do in front of them. The agony of keeping your love hidden hoping that one day he will realize it too and be the one to make the first move. 

• Amy

This is for you Bukky,

I love you when you smile. I love you when we hold hands. I love you when you squint because you are not wearing your glasses. I love you when you eat, and you always have the appetite of a horse, even when you are sick. I love you when you sleep and snore so softly. I love you when you yell at other drivers for slowing you down. I love you when you are so concerned about helping the less privileged. I love you when you sing in the church choir. I love you when you talk passionately about God. I love you so much Bukky but when I look at you, you’re looking at him. I think about you all the time but your mind is on him. 

If I tell you how much I love you, would you rather stay with me? 

• John

I have feelings for my best friend’s ex husband. I know that my friend would never approve but I still hope. I can give anything to have him. When he learned about my feelings for him, it became our secret.

He knows how much I feel about him and takes advantage of the situation. I can’t open up and confront him about how he hurts me because I’m scared of being left.

I wish I can have the strength to ignore him the way he has done to me most times. I’m a single woman in her mid thirties, loneliness is my companion and he’s the only man that I like that has as much as looked my way. 

The sad thing about secret love is that you suffer alone. I’m suffering. 

• J