BitterSweet With Tochi

So you walked away from being put down, walked away from fights that would never be resolved, walked away from someone that would never see your worth.  You are hurt, miserable and beaten. You wonder if you should have held on and fought a little more, a little harder. Maybe if you put on a little more effort, things would have gotten better.  You wonder how you would make it through without them. What you feel at the moment is close to dying. You have this very large hole that nothing seems to fill. Not cheers from friends, not family, not food, not work, not vacation, not the funny instagram skits. Nothing works- you simply want them back. But deep down you know that you shouldn’t be going back to the way things were, and trying to change things in the relationship was liking trying to change the location of Mount Everest.  If you love someone and you break up, where does the love go?  Here are 10 ways to heal from a break up. 1. Grieve.  ...

Have you noticed that being left makes one love and lust the person who left them even more? It is a real thing, and it’s called frustration attraction.  Frustration attraction is what makes us pursue that person who doesn’t like us as much as we like them, harder. It makes you love the person harder. It is what makes rejection so alluring.   Our insecurities would make us turn our minds inside out wondering which of our flaws or faults might have put them off.  Our ego wouldn’t accept that someone isn’t returning our affection. It’s a psychological issue.  We would become irrational just to get this person’s attention or affection. We would make decisions that we would steer away from if we had a clear mind.  We might even go as far as altering ourselves – physically.  So it’s like this, as long as this person doesn’t want us, we would desperately try every trick and tactics just to win their affection.  We would become s...

When it comes to love, there are three kinds  of people: 1. The people that only give love 2. The people that only receive love 3. The people that give and also receive love 1. The people that only give love: They give love but do not require any love in return. They just want to love you. To show you love in different and any way without wanting your love. They don’t mind that you only want them when you need them and never the other way around. They are very selfless people and also absolutely do not exist. Even God requires that we love him back. That we show him love. How much more human beings? Anyone who thinks that they do not need to receive love back, is a confused being who would soon become overused, spent and thrown out, and miserable. 2. The people who only receive love: People who only receive love + people who only receive love = Double Negative. Imagine a relationship where nobody gives love? When I think of a place wi...

It has always been about love. Even when we deny it or try to avoid it, love is always around us. We’re either in love, dreaming about love, recovering from love, wishing for love or neglecting love. The experiencing of emotions like passion, affection, sentiment, obsession, desire, pleasure, fondness, attraction, or regard can be very confusing that we sometimes mistake them for ‘being in love’. We blindly go all the way to make major commitment and cry foul when things unfold to their true nature. What could be more unendurable than to share the years in intimacy with someone one dislikes? It is said that some people have a life time together and never know love. What is love?  Is it a strong sexual desire? Is it a strong feeling of emotion? A compulsive preoccupation with someone? What is the difference between mere desire and being in love? You want someone, they want you; that is desire. Did you know that a person can feel desire and yet it will not touch their h...

Stop Condemning “why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but fail to notice the beam in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘let me take the speck out of your eye’, while there is still a beam in your own eye? You hypocrite! First take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”  One of our major problem is that we are filled with our own rightness.  Often times we find ourselves in the habit of condemning others, strangers, those we love most, those we call family, and the people we refer to as friends.  We criticize the way someone eats or the manner in which they speak, they way they dress, how they manage their home, their choice of partner. We criticize the way they choose to show love, the way they spend their money, and the way they socialize.  We focus on the most minute details and find fault with the smallest of issues. We pass judgement, and think that w...

Some of the readers of BitterSweet with Tochi were brave enough to share their hidden / secret love stories.  This is a compilation of the stories.  We have been friends with benefits for some months now. We agreed on no attachments because he has to travel back to the states to be with his girlfriend. But recently I have developed some strong feelings for him. I knew I always liked him but it’s more than that now. I think about him all the time, I want to be with him and talk with him more often. I want to really get to know him, to make him happy. I don’t think I’m getting attached, I know that I have fallen in love with this man and I want more. I have never felt this way for anyone.  I do not lack the courage to tell him about how I feel, what I fear is how he would react to it, so I lie to him and my friends. I miss him and I love him but I can’t show it. I act like I don’t care. I don’t want to lose him. I know that he would never be with me the way that I ...

The decision to divorce, especially when children are involved, is one of the most difficult choices a person can face.  Divorce is not pretty. Some think breaking a marriage is as easy as breaking a clay pot but they are wrong. It is always terribly painful. It negatively affects those who are involved, especially the children. When it becomes too frightening to even bring issues up. When anything from sex to money or even annoying little habits are blown out of proportion. First, you must do everything you can to work on your issues and challenge yourselves to do the work to repair your marriage before choosing divorce.  Go to counseling.  Read books.  Talk with friends and loved ones.  When a marriage is healthy and the parents are working together towards the long-term health and happiness of the marriage and the family, it is always better for the kids. However, there is no reason to believe that staying together at any cost is better for your childre...

Is love truly a helpless feeling? Do we control love or does love control us?  There’s been a lot of feed back on ‘the pain of falling in love with someone unattainable’. I had to do a little more research and interview on the topic.  I discovered that lots are in love with people other than their partners, some have unexpressed feelings because they are scared of being rejected, some are not proud of the people they have fallen in love with, and some are chasing after someone that doesn’t want to be caught by them.   Can we manipulate how we feel? Are there things we can do to make us fall out of love? Does love have a switch? What  do you do when you can’t get them out of your head? Do unexpressed feelings just die?  Love is beautiful, love is sweet, love is also torture. Love is torture when we are in it alone, love is torture when we are not free to express it. When everything you’ve ever wanted is standing right in front of you but th...

An English girl A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training session.   Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.   The wife answers: "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?" The husband laughs and says: "An English girl!"  The woman kept quiet and left. Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"    "Very good, thank you," replies the wife.   "And, what happened to my present?"   "Which present?"   "I asked for, the English girl?"   "Oh, that! Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if its a girl!" Retirement joke An elderly couple went to dinner at the home of some friends, also elderly.   After dinner, the wives went into the kitchen and the two men were talking.   One said, “We went out to dinner last night at a really good restaurant. I’d hig...

For some people, the past is a Memory Lane they want to always go back to. To some, it’s a dark shadow that haunts them. They analyze that relationship that failed and relentlessly review all the things they did wrong. Or look at the business decision that cost them so much and dwell on the things they could have done right.  Once and for all stop being so hard on yourself. You are a human being and human beings have been designed to make mistakes; so what you dated the wrong person and learned a bitter lesson; chased the wrong career and had to start again; or trusted a friend who betrayed you. It’s life, we love, hurt, cry, laugh, learn and do it over again. It is easy to spend much of your days beating up on yourself for past mistakes. I know it can be difficult getting over something, especially when love and betrayal is involved; but emotional pain can become an addiction. Emotions like sadness, depression, guilt, shame, fear, low self-esteem can become so common and con...

Another very beautiful day, I had already been to the garage to say hello to the conductors. They seemed harsh today, almost didn’t notice me. I had to walk by 6 times to get their attention. My mall was stocked up as usual, someone donated a large quantity of spaghetti and turkey. I even got a new dress from there, a long white sheet with splashes of tomatoes to make it colorful. I wrapped the cloth around my body, from my chest to my buttocks; this time I didn’t consider the men at the car wash. On my way to get my afternoon nap, someone called me a mad woman. Which was weird because if I was a mad woman I wouldn’t know that I’m mad, right? One of the voices in my head said, “you know that there’s a probability that you might be mad” Another voice said, “you know that you would have to go to a psychiatric hospital if you were mad” The third voice said “so that means that you are not mad. A mad woman wouldn’t know this” I know that I am mad, which means that I am not mad. I k...