Should you stay in a bad marriage because of the kids?
The decision to divorce, especially when children are involved, is one of the most difficult choices a person can face. Divorce is not pretty.
Some think breaking a marriage is as easy as breaking a clay pot but they are wrong. It is always terribly painful. It negatively affects those who are involved, especially the children.
When it becomes too frightening to even bring issues up. When anything from sex to money or even annoying little habits are blown out of proportion.
First, you must do everything you can to work on your issues and challenge yourselves to do the work to repair your marriage before choosing divorce. Go to counseling. Read books. Talk with friends and loved ones. When a marriage is healthy and the parents are working together towards the long-term health and happiness of the marriage and the family, it is always better for the kids.
However, there is no reason to believe that staying together at any cost is better for your children than divorcing.
When you're getting a divorce, there's no real way of knowing to what extent your decision will affect the kids. Still, if your marriage has created a toxic home environment, they're probably better off getting some distance from it.
Even when you think you're putting on a good show for the kids, you're not. Even if your children can't put their finger on what exactly is wrong with mommy or daddy, they know that their parents are not happy. Children are very observant. They might not say much but they see everything. Your kids see you in an unhappy marriage, especially the older children who have the outside world to compare your situation to.
But because you're a great parent, you stick around in this unhappy situation, believing wholeheartedly that you must be doing the right thing by staying married for your children. You feel by choosing unhappiness for yourself, you are choosing happiness for your children. You settle for your miserable marriage because you've told yourself it could be worse. They could be worse. You could be worse off. Your kids could be worse off.
You're lying to yourself and hurting yourself . . . and your kids, although you don't mean to. You are not sparing your children emotional and psychological scars by staying together.
It can be confusing for kids when parents are ‘emotionally divorced but still living together’. Because they are raised in a home where the parents fight and disrespect one another, their idea of love and family value is damaged.
When you wonder if you should stay in your bad marriage because of your kids, have it in mind that children often feel responsible for the break up of the marriage, this is especially true when they see their parents fighting over them. Just like they also often feel guilty and responsible for the unhappiness of their parents in their bad marriage, especially when the parents have made it known that they are enduring the toxic relationship because of them.
These kids go on depressed and often times shut themselves from any happiness because they feel they do not deserve to be happy themselves.
Divorce is in some cases, the lesser of two evils. But both evils are bad.
Some think breaking a marriage is as easy as breaking a clay pot but they are wrong. It is always terribly painful. It negatively affects those who are involved, especially the children.
When it becomes too frightening to even bring issues up. When anything from sex to money or even annoying little habits are blown out of proportion.
First, you must do everything you can to work on your issues and challenge yourselves to do the work to repair your marriage before choosing divorce. Go to counseling. Read books. Talk with friends and loved ones. When a marriage is healthy and the parents are working together towards the long-term health and happiness of the marriage and the family, it is always better for the kids.
However, there is no reason to believe that staying together at any cost is better for your children than divorcing.
When you're getting a divorce, there's no real way of knowing to what extent your decision will affect the kids. Still, if your marriage has created a toxic home environment, they're probably better off getting some distance from it.
Even when you think you're putting on a good show for the kids, you're not. Even if your children can't put their finger on what exactly is wrong with mommy or daddy, they know that their parents are not happy. Children are very observant. They might not say much but they see everything. Your kids see you in an unhappy marriage, especially the older children who have the outside world to compare your situation to.
But because you're a great parent, you stick around in this unhappy situation, believing wholeheartedly that you must be doing the right thing by staying married for your children. You feel by choosing unhappiness for yourself, you are choosing happiness for your children. You settle for your miserable marriage because you've told yourself it could be worse. They could be worse. You could be worse off. Your kids could be worse off.
You're lying to yourself and hurting yourself . . . and your kids, although you don't mean to. You are not sparing your children emotional and psychological scars by staying together.
It can be confusing for kids when parents are ‘emotionally divorced but still living together’. Because they are raised in a home where the parents fight and disrespect one another, their idea of love and family value is damaged.
When you wonder if you should stay in your bad marriage because of your kids, have it in mind that children often feel responsible for the break up of the marriage, this is especially true when they see their parents fighting over them. Just like they also often feel guilty and responsible for the unhappiness of their parents in their bad marriage, especially when the parents have made it known that they are enduring the toxic relationship because of them.
These kids go on depressed and often times shut themselves from any happiness because they feel they do not deserve to be happy themselves.
Divorce is in some cases, the lesser of two evils. But both evils are bad.
Sad but true.
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