Open to changing for someone?

How many times have we heard the phrase “… to change for someone else is in a sense, to betray your self”.

I think the real betrayal is when we misinterpret and misuse that statement. 

Change is inevitable, it’s a part of growth, life is all about growth, and so is a relationship. Some changes are good for a relationship, often they’re very necessary. Sometimes what we call changing who you are for someone is really just having the ability to adjust in order to make a relationship work. Of course you shouldn’t change because you want someone to love you but you can change little things about yourself because of someone who already loves you. True love or a healthy relationship should be able to make you a better version of yourself, that’s change and it’s a positive change.

There’s the good change or what I call a healthy compromise. This is when you still get to be who you are but change some of your characters for the better of yourself and your relationship. Sometimes they happen naturally and other times they require effort from the people involved.

Some of the good changes are

• Bad habits – lateness, untidiness, OCD, procrastination etc. It’s OK for your partner to expect you to change those habits and it would be reasonable for you to actually make genuine efforts to work on them.

• Health – What’s more healthy than a couple who look out for each other’s health. If your partner is concerned enough to want you to live healthy, I think you should be more than happy to want to try. It could be a work out program, food menu or anything.

• Social behavior – this could be the way you communicate with your partner, the way you react to issues, how you flip when angry or it could be about the quantity of time you spend with your partner. There’s always a halfway to meet.

• Dressing – personally I think our dressing style is our statement. If your partner has a problem with the way you dress, there might be ways you can make an adjustment while still expressing yourself.

• Vision of the future – we all have that big dream, the way we have imagined our lives to be. No two individuals have the same vision, similar maybe but never the same. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your dream for love but you can open your dreams to new possibilities and opportunities.

Then there’s the self sacrifice or identity loss. This is the harmful change, when you become someone else. This kind of change is deceptive and truly a betrayal to yourself. The betrayal that will betray you on the long run because the change was not authentic or natural. Like when you change your dream career or values because you want to fit into your partner’s dream love, when you neglecting your family and friends because of your relationship, it’s basically when you give the steering wheel of your life to someone else. Years or months to come, when you can’t find yourself anymore you could develop some resentment, resentment that can lead to the end of the relationship.

Whether you are conscious of it or not, your partner is bound to have an influence on your character and habit. Don’t be afraid to make some adjustments for your relationship. It doesn’t matter how long it will take for you to learn how to keep the bed tidy, how to call when you are staying late, how to loosen your control or grip on things and rules, how to be more accommodating or how to talk about issues instead of walking away. As long as you love your partner and the relationship enough, you will keep making genuine efforts; that is true love.